


THE D (s?)

by The_Heartsmith



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bc I am not the author, Cute Gamzee, He's always cute stfu, I am so sorry, M/M, The Talk, This is NOT PART OF CANON, duh - Freeform, my son - Freeform, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 15:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10596456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Heartsmith/pseuds/The_Heartsmith
Summary: Human junk is seriously freaky, especially if you're an alien.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HaroThar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaroThar/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Somewhere Along in the Bitterness](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8399101) by [HaroThar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaroThar/pseuds/HaroThar). 



> *crawls out of closet* Okay so honestly I just wanted some ”Gamzee reacting to human junk” stuff.
> 
> waIT NO DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT LOOK AWAY I AM AN INNOCENT BOY STOP THAT IT’S NOT SEXUAL 
> 
> WHy ArE YoU WIGgLInG yOuR EyEBrowS

The first thing you notice when you wake up is that your resident troll is very much not asleep and actually practically hyperventilating. 

It’s way too early for this.

You wake up pretty much directly after your brain catches up on the fact that _hyperventilation isn’t good damn it,_ to find that Gamzee is straddling your lap, holding his phone in one hand and trying to gently shake you awake with the other. You blink blearily at him, yawning and then sneezing a couple times for good measure. He looks kinda like he calms down a little, but keeps glancing at his phone like something’s wrong.

”Eh, Gamzee? What’s wrong?”

He flinches, horns almost touching the wall above your heads, and then grabs your shoulders like you’re a log and he’s a drowning man -err, troll?- trying to hold on. You grab his shoulders back, almost on instinct, and he stops looking frantic for a moment so he can look at you. To be honest you’re a little shook yourself, but you’re not sure that you can calm down right now.

”Gamzee?” you tangle your fingers into the back of his curly locks, almost immediately finding a knot to untangle, ”Did something happen? Did you have a nightmare?”

”Bro” he says, voice a little higher pitch than normal, ”Brother blue, ain’t there a such thing I’ve ever seen before, with the alien part of you humans an’ all, but you gotta tell a brother if it’s true or not because this shit’s straight up motherfucking freaky.”

”Huh?” you say, still confused. What’s he talking about? Humans… Aliens… 

Damn it, Jade. 

You sigh, pulling his head closer so you can kiss his forehead.

”What did Jade send you?”

He fumbles with his phone and places it in your hands before sagging against your chest like a sack of potatoes. He’s careful not to nick any skin with his horns as he burrows his face in your neck.

You look at the picture Jade linked him. And you feel your ears grow red.

On the screen there’s a picture of a woman and a man… And they’re… Oh god, what the hell was Jade thinking?! You scroll down further to find a similar picture with two girls, and then two guys. And then there’s pictures with legs like way too far spread and charts and photos of…Yeah, okay. You cheeks are definitely red by now.

You are the tomato, it is you.

A kind of put off tomato. With Issues. One of them which is the traumatized troll currently hiding in your neck. And the pictures which you will have to delete from both your mind and his browser history. Because _eeeewwww_. Gross. This was nothing like the stuff she sent you!

But first, traumatized god-troll! 

”Gamzee?”

Gamzee mumbles something into your neck, his lips tickling your skin. You giggle, relaxing quite a bit now that his breathing has calmed down to (kinda) normal. It’s still quick and kind of weird, but still good.

”Heheh, G-Gamzee, what’s wrong? Like, this is super weird. I understand if you’re super grossed out, because honestly who wouldn’t be, and this is really, well… Ew!

”I didn’t even know that could… Oh god. Just no. But it’s… Normal? I guess? Oh my me please tell me there is a way to delete memories.”

Gamzee snorts against your neck, and you count that as a small win. One of his ears flicks against your chin weirdly, and then he dives up to press a small, chapped kiss against your jaw. You stop breathing, and your heart does a weird, happy floppy thing in your chest as your cheeks, after having returned to more of their usual color, turn tomato red again. He honks a laugh.

You love his laughter.

”Ain’t no thing wrong right now, brother. Just got a ’lil spooked by that…” he coughs, hiding his face in your neck again.”Why’s it so that you only have one? And… Nah man, I don’t want to motherfucking know. Motherfucking aliens. It’s an unknown mi- thing for all to wonder and never question”

”Um.”

Only _one_?

You separate just enough so you can see his face, which is flushed a pretty purple. It kind of makes you want to kiss him, but, yeah, okay, not like _that_. Obviously. Definitely. Anyway, right now you’re more concerned about the… Dick thing? Oh god. Does all trolls have two dicks? Does _Kanaya_ have two dicks? 

Ew ew ew ew ew _ew ew ewewewewewewewew_. NO. Bad brain. That’s gross. PLEASE DO NOT BURN THAT IMAGE INTO MEMORY. 

(For _fuck’s_ sake, brain.)

Now you want to ask him, but… No. Like he said, motherfucking aliens. Instead you kiss his cheek (in a _i’m-not-a-homosexual-but-you’re-still-very-cute-in-a-not-gay-way_ fashion TM ) and giggle.

”Yeah, Gamzee. Motherfucking aliens.”

You bury your face in his hair and sigh contentedly. You’re still very tired. Maybe you should nap.

”Let’s sleep some more, yeah?”

”But the clock is-”  
  
”Sssshhhh yes I know, still too early to be alive.”

Gamzee chuckles and leans his head against your cheek.  
  
”Yeah bro, let’s catch some of that great sleep you’re talking about.”

The last thing you feel before falling asleep is his hair in your nose and calm, content breathing, so close that it is practically blending with your own.

(You’ll take care of the alien-junk stuff tomorrow. Or later today. Whatever.)

**Author's Note:**

> … Apparently my mind sees Jade as a secret educational pervert. Help me. Plz. 
> 
> *slides 2 dollars towards creator of actual fanfic* And how ’bout you tell me which quadrant Gamzee and John are ascending into so my dense ass can… Draw some BAD FANART (Complete with pixels and shitty colors!) (Probably no colors/pixels though since I hate them and they hate me)
> 
> *sweats* also please don’t hate me for trying to copy your writing style bc I know some people get mad and well I really don't want that bc you’re amazing and your fic is amazing and yeah okay I am honestly just rambling by now so I should probably wrap this up but hm yeah okay bye may the force be with you
> 
> *crawls back into closet*


End file.
